I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
