i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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