i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
