remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
