I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
