she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
