The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
