I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
