Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
