M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
