I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Randomize
