I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
