Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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