My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
