i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
honey bunches of taint.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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