take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize