i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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