My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
