My underwear smells like fireworks.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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