Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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