If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
