sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
