so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
