We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
