I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
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Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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