Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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