you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The uberlube is also flammable
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
