If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
