I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
