I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
