I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
