took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
