I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
