I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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