just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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