So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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