How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
