i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
