i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
