so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
