Betty ford says i'm here all night
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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