My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
