I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
