There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
