This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
