The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
