I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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