I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize