My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
