"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
what is it with giant penises always finding me
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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