so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
