You just made me feel so damn special
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
