Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
