I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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