a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
People in love make me want to vomit
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
