i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
