there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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