I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
