i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
