you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
