"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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