i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
