You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
