my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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