I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
